So Far From Finished...

Taking things out on other people is my last resort.  I went there... I didn't mean to - honestly I didn't but I did. I took it out on Steven, I block people out, I cry on friends in tutor.  I feel like curling up into a ball and hiding under my duvet for the rest of my teenage years...

I've had two friends help me through the past couple of days.  Tors and Jimbob (James)!!  So funny in tutor with James - been making me laugh by being stupid and made me cry today just by giving me a hug - not all entirely his fault though, I had tears in my eyes and then he was being so nice so just started crying (CRINGE)...  Tors on the other hand well she is a douche ;) had a lovely time with her at football - plus they WON!!! Our good luck and winning vibes we were giving to the whole team I think... My throat hurt after that.  No I'm joking she is a douche, but not all the time - she's been making me feel better and making me laugh when I feel like the whole world has collapsed on top of me.

Steven.  Well what do I say.  I take stuff out on him all the time.  I made him cry (sorry had to mention it) I didn't mean to.  I am so sorry for making him cry, I started crying myself then I couldn't stop cause I felt so bad for making him cry.  He said to me the other day that I do too much.  Which I do.  But who else is going to do it if I don't?  But Steven I am sorry that I take everything out on you, you're the easiest because you are closest to me as a boyfriend and best friend.  I guess next time I will just be quiet and just get you to hug me so I can cry!

TOO MUCH = STRESS!!!!
Yeah like Steven said I do way too much stuff.  Last week I stayed up until 1 o'clock in the morning doing homework - only because it had to be finished and I was panicking about it not being finished.  Then I take on Public Speaking which to be honest, I regret saying I'd do it now - too much pressure, especially if we get through this round, I don't want to have to waste my time in a classroom for months, I did that year 8.  Never again...  Then extra classes.  To me they are my life at the moment.  I need them to get my grades up a little bit - even if I do struggle.  Monday Lunch - Badminton Coaching, Tuesday Lunch - Extra Spanish, Wednesday After School - History Revision, Thursday After School - Extra Maths, Friday Lunch - Music Revision...  Too much all in one week and to top that off, Wednesday - Dancing 6til7, Friday - Dancing 3.45til4.30 and Piano Lesson.  I thought I had cut down on things.  Now I just cannot manage.

I need help.

I'm hoping this weekend is going to be good though.  Hoping that I can spend some time with the people I love the most, my friends, Steven and family.  Should be fun.  Planning ahead is so much easier than planning at the precise moment....  Let's just hope that things get better - only time will tell.

My heart is in the right place, I know, because I hid it there.

i wanna be happy....