Just Keeps Getting Better...

I know, I haven't written a blog in a while as Steven reminded me, which is also a subtle hint that I have to write one, right that second!  He is a pain in the bum ;) love you...

Well let me see....

I have let go of the past and have moved on - COMPLETELY!!  I mean, never thought I would get over all the happenings, but the past few weeks have been amazing and I have changed so much it is unbelievable.  Others will say the same that I have changed and maybe they think that it is a good thing, maybe they think it is a bad thing, but to be honest I don't really care any more - I am happy and that is the way it is going to stay!

Have been with new people recently a.k.a Nadine, Ryan and Steven.  It has been so much fun and I have been laughing so much at lunch and breaks, even though I had to go through the depressing lunchtimes of being in Miss Maree's classroom going over and over my Public Speaking speech - WITHOUT MY TEAM!!!  So frustrating.

Good news is that I did my Spanish speaking assessment and got a High C!! Woo so happy with that as I was struggling with it before.  Now on to practising for the final one! Hopefully I can get this one perfect and won't have to worry about it!!

Prom Plans.  Prom dress shopping with Nadine on Valentines Day!! How romantic!!  It is going to be so much fun and I am getting a dress - mum said I will look weird - ya see I am kind of a joggers and baggy jumper type of girl!  Limousine BOOKED!  Drinks ordered and places sorted....  Think my life just clicked into place.

For once I feel like I am belonged somewhere - people don't ignore me when I say hi to them, and they have proper conversations with me instead of using me to dump all of their feelings onto me so that I feel rubbish, then they leave me to pick up the pieces - no one does that any more and I am glad.  Finally I have got a huge weight off my shoulder.  I just dumped it on the ground.

One problem at the moment is that I feel like I have lost a friend.  A best friend who used to be there for me all the time and now feels like they aren't there.  We all miss this person, and they know who I am on about. But we know that whatever that person is doing, they aren't doing it for themselves.

Anyways moving on.  This weekend was a busy one! Saw Steven Friday night and had such a great time just curled up together watching TV and beating each other on the Million Pound Drop - because there is no better way to spend your Friday Nights!  Saturday worked during the day and then worked in the evening - good pay packet this month - bring it on!!  Sunday, went to see OLLY MURS!! Was so excited I was ready by lunch time.  Went with my mumma and we were 6 rows from the front... 6!!

He was absolutely brilliant - wouldn't mind seeing him again! So funny and so entertaining....

Shh... don't tell Steven!

Finally, lately we haven't been the greatest, but we are getting there.  We are so relaxed with each other that I think sometimes we go too far without even noticing.  But now, we are going to be amazing again.  I just know it.  Spending so much time together at lunch, break, after school again is fun and funny and even though we take the piss out of each other all the time, we know we love each other and that that is never going to change!

Time passes by, but we're still the same...

Cause he's my gorgeous boyfriend that I wouldn't change for the world!

The Start Of A New Beginning....

I know the weekend has just begun but OhMyGod!! It has had the best start to it ever!!!

A minor hiccup in the works but that has all been sorted!!

So hyper it is unreal....

Friday 27th January - Tutor Review day.
So went to tutor review at 9.35am and had a chat with my tutor about my grades and blah blah blah then him and my mum agreeing on things such as that I need to get a good nights sleep and that I shouldn't be doing so much work and that I should be eating properly.  Just what you need in the morning when all you want to do is crawl back into the nice, warm cave I call my bed!

Go home and do some homework - the only thing I ever seem to be doing at the moment...

1pm.  Steven and Ryan knock on my door!! Woo time to go and meet up with the bestest friend ever - Nadine!!  We walked all the way to the RMA then to Nadine's house.  It was so funny walking there Steven and Ryan acting gay the whole way there, and for the rest of the day as a matter of fact...  Then we went on the wii - Ryan didn't understand what to do so he gave up, then he lost on Mario Kart so he gave up!  We finally decided to go out and eat something and just walk around.
After we'd eaten and had a drink we walked further, went to the park.  Ryan and I just listened to all the stories from Steven and Nadine about them all being on the RMA.  They are complete nutters!  But it was funny!!
Then we played pool...  Me and Ryan Vs. Steven and Nadine...  then Me and Steven Vs. Ryan and Nadine then Me and Nadine Vs. Steven and Ryan.  Me and Nadine kinda failed on that last game so we cheated heheh!!

Overall, an amazing day and I couldn't have asked for anything better...  Now I am just hoping that my weekend continues like this and I stay happy!


I love Steven.  That will never change and I hope he knows that.  I know he will be reading this.  So I just want him to know that he comes first before a few other people.  Not family, but he's in the family somewhere.  I want him to know that he can tell me anything - yeah it might upset me or annoy me but it will upset or annoy me a lot less than if he hides the truth from me.  I want him to know that he can talk to me about whatever he wants and I won't get bored.  And I also want him to know that I will be here for him no matter what.

Dumb...

Hopefully I will be fully-booked this weekend - well it looks that way anyways!!

Love talking to you on msn.  For some reason makes me feel happier about everything.  Apart from when you say really horrible stuff to me.  Yeah sometimes its a joke but other times it actually upsets me.  I don't mind.  You make up for it after a while...

Everyone is talking about Prom all the time and I haven't even started... Maybe because I'm not actually that bothered about getting my dress or dressing up - I'd much rather be in a fluffy hoody and my joggers curled up on the sofa with a chick flick and my teddy bears ;)  Everyone seems to be so planned so far ahead, other peoples plans are falling apart, whereas mine haven't even started...
The only thing I know is that I am going from my house and I am going with Steven - hopefully ;)!

It is hard going for like forever without seeing you.  Normally I am with you until about 5o'clock, but recently I haven't been seeing you at all after school..  Yeah you hurt your knee and stuff and everyone is busy but I miss you.  I miss being able to kiss you as much as I wanted!

I love you so much and you should know that I am always here for you no matter where I am.  And you can talk to me about anything, even if you are annoyed at me about something.

I love you...

I act dumb.  You act dumb.  Can we act dumb together?

Through Sickness + In Health...

Dramatic week or what!

Started work on Sunday - it was good but slightly weird as I didn't know anyone there...  But as the day went on I got to know a feel people - which was good.  I am working again tomorrow and am looking forward to it although I am going to look a bit like an idiot because I CAN'T SKATE!!!  Plus it is a skating party...

So this week - lets see...
Went out for Ashleigh's birthday on Sunday - it was good but felt sick after eating all that food!  Went home and didn't feel well then either..
Monday was off school because I didn't feel well...  Was such a boring day just sitting there watching tv.
Tuesday and Wednesday were just average days.. Just as average as you can get...

But Thursday - major change!  Everything went down hill and bad...

First me and Steven don't talk and get on each others nerves, and so because I am so upset because everything I seem to say or do at the moment is the wrong thing.  No matter who it is too.  I am never right any more.  I can't even have a joke with some people.  I just didn't know what went wrong yesterday in Maths.  But I felt bad for it that is for sure.
Then lunch time came.  The average phone call from Nadine saying "What has happened to Steven"... Of course I go into panic mode as I normally would and ran from music to Nadine down to the astro where he was just lying there with the paramedics...  My heart was beating amazingly fast and I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't breathe.  I was scared because I didn't know what was going on.
Luckily I had Nadine squeezing my hand and Calvin as a shoulder to cry on.
I don't actually remember much to be honest from walking from you back into school.  I know I didn't want to leave you on your own and that is all I kept saying.  The only words I could get out of my mouth.  Next thing I remember is crying on Keri and then sitting in reception telling Shaun that you will be okay - when I wasn't even sure if you were...

I have the image of you lying there with the gas and air.  I just wanted to be there to hold your hand but I wasn't allowed.
You know I will always be there for you... Don't ever forget that!

As long as your heart beats - mine does too...

Because you think you're cool...

Because i love you...x

Because I know you're cute...

Happy New Year...

Haven't done a blog since before Christmas...  Well that is a long time - and there is so much to catch up on!!

First blog of 2012!! I wonder what this year has in store for me. DUN DUN DUHHHHHH.....  hahaha!

Well lets see...
Christmas was amazing, spent half the day with my family and the other half with Steven + his family.  I had such a wonderful day, lots of presents and so much fun!
Boxing day was tiring but good - went and saw my aunty and uncle down by the seaside - but it was a bit too chilly to go for a dip...  27th we went to a friends house and did a quiz night - so much fun and didn't leave until 1 o'clock in the morning!

Then we went out and bought my new red laptop!  It is amazing, doesn't have Microsoft Office on it yet - which is rather annoying as I can't do school work, however I don't care at the moment as I have set up everything else that I need!

Next - New Years Eve...  I loved spending the night with Steven.  Ending the last year with him and starting the new...Seems a little bit strange saying that.  The past two years have been amazing with him, yeah we've had our ups and downs, but we've got over them - and now look where we are.

Back to School on the 4th of January!  Such a bore, but was nice catching up with the people I hadn't seen.  But having to get up early and go out in the cold - not so much fun...

I don't want any drama this year thank you very much.  Just want to finish my exams, enjoy prom and move on and away from all the dramas and the ups and downs that have happened.

2012 is a new year.  And I am being serious - A new start for me.  I am going to make the most of it.  Pull the people I like and want in my life closer, and shove the people that don't mean anything to me any more out the way.  Some people I can't wait to see the back of.

Anyways - this probably won't be used as frequently as it was before as I have now set up my own personal diary - so you lot don't have to listen to all the gibberish in my life - just when I want everyone to know how I am feeling at that point in time.

Na'Night x x x

Hates it when your gut tells you that something just ain't right....

'Xmas Time....

Christmas Holidays!! Thursday - finished school today! Good. Walk home get changed and go out with the amazing boyfriend and other people. It was so much fun. Eating at So Asia and they were all having competitions, then to the arcade where we played hide and seek - so much fun but really hot. Then back to Steven's for a little while. Friday - I slept until Ashleigh came home. Must have been extremely tired or something. Got up and saw Steven for about an hour before he went out and Ashleigh went out. Wanted to spend some more time with him but he has to have his own life so he want out with his friends. Saturday I slept again. We were having people over for dinner and that was funny. And my cousin is having a baby woo!!! Had such a laugh with them all just being together. It was lovely. Sunday I did nothing and then went to see Peter Pan in Pantomime. It was better than I expected it to be Then Monday. Did nothing all day. Slept until lunchtime again. Then waited for mum to come home so that I could go to Stevens. We had a pillow fight I won obviously. Like always. I miss him. Hopefully I can see him tomorrow. Fingers crossed. I want a big hug. Anyways. Looking forward to Christmas and spending time with family! Love you loads Steven + Everyone else x x x

Again & Again...

Things happen over and over again.

I let people down over and over again.

I hurt myself emotionally over and over again!

Sometimes you can't change how you feel for someone.  No matter how hard you try.  Steven and I have been through so much over the past two years.  He's part of my family now even if he doesn't want to be ;)

Family is all I need at the moment - yeah I need friends other than the boys, but to be honest I don't want any.  Yeah I get slightly ignored and bored down the astro most of the time, but others it can be funny.  I do my own thing, control my own life, do what I want to.  

Some people might say that I control Steven's life.  I don't think I do.  I hope I don't.  And I hope he agrees with me.  I let him do what he wants to do and he lets me do what I want to do.  We're together, and do our own things all the time too.

I don't talk about Steven that much in life.  I talk more about him on here than I do to other people.  I can't really talk to anyone because no-one really cares.  

Only a short one today - tired and wrote one yesterday too...

Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you ignore others around you.